Blue Velvet
by magnystique
Summary: Takes place beetween X Men FC and X Men DOFP, focused on Raven's character. Her thoughts about leaving her brother and going with Erik. Explores the first months after Cuba.


**Notes : This is my first fanfic so I hope you'll like it. English isn't my first language so it might contain some mistakes (sorry...) I don' really know if it's a one shot or if I'll do other chapters it just depends if some people want me to continue it. ****I really like Raven's character a lot so this is focused on her but I really want to explore Erik's character too. I love Erik and Raven relationship and that's something I want to focuse on in my next fanfics. Anyways, hope you'll enjoy reading this ;)**

** Blue Velvet**

Set Beetween X men First Class and X Men Days of Future Past

- I don't own the X Men movies-

_She wore blue velvet…_

_Bluer than velvet was the night…_

The Villa they moved in after the events of Cuba is quiet, everybody must be asleep by now. Raven steps out of the shower, puts a towel around her waist and walks out of the bathroom to put some clothes on. She opens the door of her closet and picks up a white nightgown. To be honest those aren't Raven's clothes, after Azazeal took them away from the beach they immediately went to Shaw's luxury house, there was no time to waste and going back to the mansion to collect some clothes was wasting time, so Raven had just followed the others just like she used to do with Charles, always listening, obeying. She sometimes wonders if, after all, she wasn't just born to follow and not to be followed, maybe she was just a pet to Charles.

Erik and Raven had pick up their rooms, Azazeal, Angel and Janos already had their own. She had found clothes in the closet of her room and she had assumed no one would blame her if she would use them. She had been right. Nobody seemed to care about what she would wear, what she would do, what she would say, that's what she expected from them anyways, not that she did expect something from them, she expected something from Erik. He had promised her so much just by taking her hand that day

« No more hidding » she remembers him saying, isn't it what she always wanted ? She honestly didn't know if, one day, she'll be able to walk in her natural form without seeing fear and disgust in everybody's eyes, that's what she had seen in her parents' eyes. She remembers now, how they had screamed at her, how they had told her she was a freak, a monster. She remembers her father's hands locked around her throat telling her she wasn't their daughter, that she didn't deserve to live. Raven closes her eyes quickly to get rid of the images that were starting to recover in her mind. She walks toward her bed and lays down, her head on the pillow. Starring at the white ceiling.

Raven didn't really know a lot about Erik's life, Charles had told her once, about the camp he's been to, what he's been through, why he wanted to kill Shaw, why he wanted revenge and she had understood. All of his life he had to hide who he really was, just like she did. They both wanted the same thing : acceptance.

2 months since they'd gone their separating ways on the beach and still, nothing had changed.

« Not yet » she persuades herself

Maybe they needed more time, more mutants or maybe she had been wrong, maybe it was a mistake taking Erik's hand. No. It couldn't. why would he ask her to go with him if he wasn't even sure about himself, if he could be a leader, _their _leader wich she thinks he could . You can see it, how he talks, how he acts, he's powerful, he knows how to make people follow him and believe him. He doesn't talk much but when he does you can be sure everybody's listening to him, they all seem to agree with him, they always nod when he's asking something, maybe it was just fear, maybe they were afraid to tell their opinions, afraid of what he might do or say to them if they do. She didn't know if she was, she agreed to everything he had said and partly because she was thinking the same way as he was but she didn't know what she would do otherwise.

She stands up quickly, walking towards the window and looks out. The night's fallen since awhile now but Raven doesn't sleep much, not that she doesn't need sleep but because her nightmares keep coming back and she can't find a way to make them go away. It's always the same kind of scenarios, her parents would find her and try to hurt her, kill her, they would always keep finding her and she wouldn't find a way to stop them. Raven would wake up with tears streaming down her cheeks, breathing heavily

She wouldn't scream. She would never show any weaknesses to the others, she couldn't afford that, she wanted to look brave, strong.

The child Inside her had long ago disappeared just as her smiles and laughters had. She didn't even know if she was still Raven or if she had become **Mystique**, maybe she was both. The only thing she knew was that she wasn't anyone's. She wasn't Charles' Raven nor was she Erik's Mystique.

She was no longer a girl but a woman.

She was no longer the child Charles had found in his kitchen years ago.

Raven, Mystique doesn't cry, she doesn't regret, she doesn't love. She uesed to love, she loved her brother deeply and she still does, but love hurts and makes you weak and Raven can't afford that.

Did the kiss she and Erik shared meant something to her ? She doesn't think it meant something for Erik, they pretend that what hapened had not in fact hapened, they had never talked about it and to be honest she didn't really want to . She thinks he did that by pity not by love and she returned the kiss because she was alone, because he understood her, of all those years spent with Charles she doesn't think he had once been able to see her as clearly as Erik did that night.

But that hapened once and since that he had put a wall Beetween him and Raven. He had put a mask on, and she had no ideas of how she could possibly put it down.

For Erik, Nothing was more important than their « new world », a world where mutants can walk freely. Charles and Erik always had different opinions about the humans and the society, Charles wanted to fit into the society, to be part of it, he wanted a world where mutants and humans would help each other, he thought the humans would listen, would understand and accept them but it was naïve. She knew it was naïve and Erik did too.

Erik didn't trust the humans, if he could Raven's sure he would kill all of them. Humans disgust him and they were starting to disgust her as well.

She sighs deeply, putting her hands on the edge of the window. The house was so quiet she could hear her heartbeats. 4 months ago she was in Oxford with Charles and here she is, fighting for a cause, fighting for their freedom.

All had changed so quickly but still, she pretend not to miss her brother, not to miss the mansion she grew up in, she pretend not to regret leaving her brother, the person who fed her, she wouldn't be still living if he hadn't found her.

Raven shakes her head, throwing all those thoughts out of her mind. She slips Under the cold sheets and closes her eyes pretending to be happy.

She's not Raven, she's not mystique, she just feels empty Inside like all of her nerves had broken, like she had left a part of her on that beach, as if she had given Charles a part of her to tell him she was still there, she loved him, that she'll always be there for him and he'll always be her brother.

And as childish as it must sound, she imagines Charles' strong arms around her, telling her he'll keep her safe, that he loves her, just as he used to when she would crawl up in his bed after having a nightmare

Maybe a part of her was still fearful and childish after all

Maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought she was.


End file.
